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Kick Assiest Blog
Tuesday, 29 May 2007
Phat-waa
Mood:
 d'oh
Topic: Funny Stuff
Terror leader arrested while having car sex near Arafat's grave,
The Goat was unable to be reached for comment... Terror leader arrested having car sex near Arafat's grave Israeli forces raid jeep of longtime wanted militant caught in compromising position  RAMALLAH -- Israel today arrested a longtime wanted terror leader here in the West Bank city of Ramallah.
According to Israeli security officials and Palestinian sources in Ramallah speaking to WND, the terrorist was arrested while having car sex just a few hundred feet from late PLO leader Yasser Arafat's gravesite. Khaled Shawish, an officer in Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas' Force 17 presidential guards, was captured by undercover Israeli police forces following scores of shooting attacks he is suspected of carrying out. Shawish, who doubles as the Ramallah chief of the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades terror group, previously boasted of involvement in a West Bank shooting attack in December 2000 that killed Israeli ultranationalist leader Benjamin Kahane and Kahane's wife, Talya.  The Brigades is the declared "military wing" of Abbas' Fatah party.
After the Kahane murder, Shawish was extended refuge by Arafat to live in the late PLO leader's Ramallah compound, widely known as the Muqata. Arafat is buried at the entrance to the Muqata. Shawish continued the past seven years to live in the Muqata, from which, according to Israeli security officials, he directed the Brigades to carry out scores of shootings against Israelis driving on West Bank roads.  Several years ago Shawish sustained an injury during a gun battle with the Israel Defense Forces and has since been confined to a wheelchair, although he is still able to drive.
According to Israeli security officials and Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades sources in Ramallah, Shawish was arrested after the Israeli police stormed his jeep, which was parked in a lot outside the Muqata, about 200 feet from Arafat's grave. The sources said at the time of his arrest, Shawish was having intercourse in the back seat of his jeep with a Palestinian woman, whose identity is being withheld by WND. The woman was not his wife. The Brigades, founded by Arafat, largely considers the late PLO leader's resting place to be a sacred site. Aaron Klein, WorldNetDaily's Jerusalem bureau chief, is known for his regular interviews with Mideast terror leaders and his popular segments on America's top radio programs.
World Net Daily ~ Aaron Klein ** Terror leader arrested having car sex near Arafat's grave Uhm... Maybe they were playing 'Hide the Pipe Bomb'... Just couldn't wait for those 72 virgins, I guess. I wish there was a picture of the woman, so her neighbors could see her, invoke sharia law and stone her to death. Jihad martyrs deserve their martyrdom!
Posted by yaahoo_
at 6:07 AM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, 29 May 2007 6:24 AM EDT
Wednesday, 23 May 2007
iGasm
Mood:
 mischievious
Topic: Funny Stuff
Apple v Ann Summers in iGasm spat Ann Summers attract's Apple's ire for iGasm sex toy advertising  High street adult retailer Ann Summers has landed itself in a heap of trouble with Apple.
The retail chain has been promoting a £30 sex toy called the iGasm, a device which connects to any music player and offers users an erotic vibrating treat in time to the beat.  A News of the World report claims Apple is furious about Ann Summer's promotion of the device, and is demanding all posters for the gadget be taken down, under threat of court action. The neon-pink posters depict an underwear-clad female silhouette holding an oval white device with two cables - one connected to a pair of white headphones, the other heading down toward the female's knickers.  The sales pitch urges music fans to: "Go at it hard and fast with a pounding drum 'n' bass track or chill with an ambient classic."
Apple is claiming the ad to be an abuse of the silhouette-based images it uses in its own advertising. Ann Summers hasn't bowed to Apple's threats, the report explains.
Posted by yaahoo_
at 9:49 PM EDT
Tuesday, 13 March 2007
New York IRS Agent Arrested for Tax Fraud
Mood:
d'oh
Topic: Funny Stuff
New York IRS Agent Accused of Trying to Cheat Government on His Taxes  NEW YORK -- A federal tax agent was arrested on charges that he engaged in tax fraud, finding ways for him and others to dodge taxes by claiming that their income was offset by deductions belonging to a company he operated out of his home.
Harry Willner had worked as an Internal Revenue Service agent since 1974 before he was charged in an indictment in U.S. District Court in Manhattan with corrupt interference with the administration of tax laws and willful aiding in the preparation of a false tax return. If convicted, he could face up to three years in prison on each of six counts.  In court papers, federal prosecutors said Willner, 59, engaged in the scheme while working as a revenue agent with the large and mid-size business unit of the IRS in New York.
They said he carried out the fraud by trying to create tax loopholes while purportedly working as an officer at an advertising business, NIA Advertising Inc., whose address was the same as his residence's. The government said Willner claimed that NIA loaned a company, Royal Magazine Inc., $849,000 from 1998 through 2001 but provided no evidence of a written contract or agreement to verify the debt. Willner then claimed a "bad debt" reduction on NIA's corporate tax return of more than $758,000, though he could not take advantage of much of it because the income of the business was minimal, the indictment said.  Afterward, Willner tried to get an accountant to help him get other taxpayers to funnel their income through his advertising business so they could take advantage of the large debt, according to the indictment.
Prosecutors said Willner also tried to use the debt as a deduction by having his fee as a teacher at Manhattan private schools paid to the advertising business rather than directly to him, prosecutors said. Willner was released on his own recognizance after a brief court appearance Monday. His attorney, Robert Baum, declined to comment. Fox News ~ AP ** New York IRS Agent Accused of Trying to Cheat Government on His Taxes
Posted by yaahoo_
at 8:10 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, 13 March 2007 8:15 PM EDT
Thursday, 1 March 2007
For the libtards, the 'abortion certificate' guilt redemption program
Mood:
 cheeky
Topic: Funny Stuff
 Indulgences Liberal Style, Capitalize on guilt free living... and killing
Now that liberals and Al Gore can rid themselves of guilt by buying carbon indulgences from Terrapass and the like there may still be a lingering guilt of the liberal support of and for, abortion. So in my attempt to bring peace of mind to progressives and pro-abortion activists I am announcing my new ‘green friendly carbon neutrality abortion certificate' guilt redemption program. Preliminary, brief research has shown:  The average American produces 20 tons of carbon dioxide EVERY YEAR!
The average American lifespan is 69.3 years That is over 1386 TONS over your lifetime. That’s a lot of polar bears. The number of abortions per year since 2000 is roughly 1,293,000  For less then the price of an organically grown fair traded coco mocha grande latte, you can ensure a LIFETIME of carbon neutrality and guilt free living. You will receive your ‘green friendly carbon neutrality abortion certificate’, handsomely framed in recycled railroad ties, which you can proudly display in your home, office, or democrat campaign headquarters. Show everyone you support abortion AND you are doing your part to end global warming. How else can you support TWO of the progressives’ most precious issues for the price of one?
 No longer will you be a slave to your guilt. Some crazy religious conservative Bush loving zealot may tell you that a useless lump of tissue is a living breathing child, but to you faithful liberals, it’s so much more. To you it is your chance to really make a difference for yourself, your future, your peace of mind, your politics, and of course, the polar bears. Call now... Supplies are limited...
Organic Panic Industries I'm gonna go on the Food Neutral diet. I team up with a real, real skinny girl, like Paris Hilton. She hardly eats anything, so I can eat all I want! (Mention Paris Hilton and get half-off your next VD testing.)
Posted by yaahoo_
at 1:38 AM EST
Updated: Thursday, 1 March 2007 2:18 AM EST
Saturday, 24 February 2007
Biking militants die when bomb explodes prematurely
Mood:
d'oh
Topic: Funny Stuff
At first glance, I thought the headline said "Bikini militants".
Why can't CNN call these animals terriorists? 
Quick Abdul, pedal faster! Biking militants die when bomb explodes prematurely  CHEECHA WATNI, Pakistan -- Three Islamic militants died in eastern Pakistan when a powerful bomb they were transporting by bicycle accidentally exploded Saturday near a bustling cattle market, police said.
Mohammed Shakil, a police inspector at the scene, told The Associated Press one of the men riding a bicycle had strapped explosives to his body that exploded prematurely, killing himself and the two others in Cheecha Watni, a town about 100 kilometers (60 miles) east of Multan, a city in Punjab province. Shakil said the slain men were students of a local seminary and had links with Sipah-e-Sahaba -- a Sunni militant group outlawed by the government in 2001 in an effort to purge Pakistan of extremism. Local police chief Mohammed Bashir said the cattle market with hundreds of customers may have been the target, or police who had gathered for a funeral service at the home of an officer recently killed in a gunbattle with militants.  The severed head of one of the militants was found in a nearby field, Shakil said. Police collected the suspects' remains for DNA testing.
Militants have vowed to avenge the killing of their comrades by Pakistani forces in the country's deeply conservative tribal areas, where Pakistan has deployed about 80,000 soldiers to flush out Taliban and al Qaeda fighters. Police and security agencies have been on maximum alert following the January 26 suicide attack outside a five star hotel in Islamabad that killed a guard.  A suicide bomber killed 15 people -- including a judge -- when he blew himself up inside a courtroom in a southwestern city of Quetta on February 17.
CNN.com ~ Associated Press ** Biking militants die when bomb explodes prematurely Do they get the posthumous Wile E. Coyote award from ACME? LOL, Nobody's questioning their patriotism, just their judgement.
Posted by yaahoo_
at 12:01 AM EST
Updated: Sunday, 25 February 2007 8:50 AM EST
Monday, 19 February 2007
In Recognition of the Chinese Year of The Pig, Genuine Arkansas Razorback Hogs
Mood:
 special
Topic: Funny Stuff
 ARKANSAS RAZORBACKS
Last Tuesday, as President Bush got out of his helicopter, Marine One, on the back White House lawn, he was carrying a tiny piglet under each arm. The squared away Marine guard at the foot of the gangway snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir." The President replies, "Marine, these aren't pigs! These are genuine Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Hillary Clinton, and I got one for Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi." The squared away Marine clicks his heels, salutes again, and says, "Excellent trade, sir." 
Posted by yaahoo_
at 2:17 AM EST
Sunday, 11 February 2007
Princeton to close ESP lab
Mood:
d'oh
Topic: Funny Stuff
Report: Princeton to close ESP lab  PRINCETON, N.J. -- The extrasensory perception lab at Princeton University will be shuttered at the end of the month. Maybe you already knew that.
The Princeton Engineering Anomalies Research laboratory will close after 28 years of studying ESP and telekinesis, research that embarrassed university officials and outraged the scientific community. PEAR's founder, Robert G. Jahn, said the lab, with its aging equipment and dwindling finances, has done what it needed to do. "If people don't believe us after all the results we've produced, then they never will," Jahn, 76, former dean of Princeton's engineering school and an emeritus professor, told The New York Times for Saturday editions. Princeton made no official comment on the lab's closure. One of the world's top experts on jet propulsion, Jahn was able to buck a research system based on university and government money that uses strenuous peer review. Instead, Jahn estimates he was able to raise more than $10 million in private donations over the years. A standard experiment at PEAR would have a participant sitting in front of an electric box flashing numbers just above or below 100. Staff would tell the person to either "think high" or "think low" as they watched the display.  PEAR researchers concluded that people could alter the results in such machines about two or three times out of 100,000. Jahn claimed if the human mind could slightly alter a machine, it might be able to be used in other areas of human life, such as healing disease.
USA Today ~ Associated Press ** Report: Princeton to close ESP lab  LOL, Princeton to close ESP lab -- Yet, I bet nobody saw it coming. And just exactly how much money was wasted on this wild goose chase? If only that evil Bush wouldn't have cut off funding, then we could have saved Christopher Reeve!
Related: Psychic museum closes unexpectedly, due to unforeseen circumstances
Posted by yaahoo_
at 11:49 PM EST
Updated: Monday, 12 February 2007 12:54 AM EST
Friday, 9 February 2007
Psychic museum closes unexpectedly, due to unforeseen circumstances
Mood:
d'oh
Topic: Funny Stuff
 Psychic museum closes unexpectedly
A psychic museum is closing its doors - due to unforeseen circumstances. Astrologer Jonathan Cainer set up the York Psychic Museum in 2003 but business has been less than expected. Mr Cainer told the York Press he had handed over the lease, with the intention of making a return in 2008. He said: "If you are asking me for predictions when exactly it will open up again, then it is hard to say. "Although I'm in the prediction business, I don't believe you can make predictions about things you  are close to." Mr Cainer said the museum was only seeing 100 people a week through its doors during peak times and, when he reopens, he would like to see that figure at around 100 a day. Mr Crainer said he had reluctantly concluded the museum would never meet his expectations until he could dedicate more of his own time and energy to it. Ananova.com UK ** Psychic museum closes unexpectedly If he's psychic, don't you think he should've seen it coming? 
Posted by yaahoo_
at 8:08 AM EST
Updated: Friday, 9 February 2007 8:19 AM EST
Monday, 5 February 2007
Sexpresso coffee shops take Seattle by storm
Mood:
 caffeinated
Topic: Funny Stuff
Sexpresso coffee shops take Seattle by storm  At the Sweet Spot Cafe in the northern suburbs of Seattle, you get more than a foam topping on your cappucino. You get a waitress in a bikini, or maybe a tight-fitting T-shirt, and a choice of drinks with names such as Wet Dream (with caramel and white chocolate), Sexual Mix (a caramel macchiato) or Erotic Pleasure.
South of the city, in Tukwila, the baristas at Cowgirls Espresso wear sheer negligees and visible pink panties. It's the same story in any number of other suburban bars and drive-through stands, like the Natte Latte in Port Orchard or Moka Girls in Auburn - bikinis, racy lingerie, fetish clothing, and plenty of suggestively exposed flesh. At Best Friend Espresso in Kenmore, at the northern end of Lake Washington, the outfits take their inspiration from Playboy-style sex fantasies. The staff will go for the naughty schoolgirl look one week, then don black-framed glasses the next to look like sexy secretaries. Welcome to "sexpresso"  -- the latest coffee fad to hit America, in which the country's seemingly boundless fascination for Italian-style Java is combined with its equally boundless fascination for half-naked women. Seattle may not be the first American city to come to mind when it comes to the pleasures of the flesh, but it is super-saturated with coffee stands, all of which are battling each other - and the mighty, locally based behemoth that is Starbucks - to give morning commuters an extra reason to stop off at their particular establishment. "Here on Aurora Avenue, there's a drive-through every 20 blocks. You have to do something to stand out," said Sarah Araujo, owner of The Sweet Spot. Ms Araujo brainstormed with her customers to come up with something new and different when she bought the cafe - then called Aurora Espresso - a couple of years ago. Not only did her staff start removing clothing and giving suggestive new names to the drinks, they also started doing theme days - Tube Top Tuesdays, Wet T-Shirt Wednesdays and Fantasy Fridays.  The plastic coffee cups are indistinguishable in shape from those sold in any other coffee shop in north America. But they are decorated with the silhouette of a busty naked woman carrying a steaming mug of "Joe". The lid is sealed with a pink lipstick kiss.
During the summer, when the persistent Seattle rain finally lifts and the Pacific Northwest enjoys a few months of real sunshine, The Sweet Spot organises bikini car washes and takes care to post the most suggestive photographs on its website. This year, the cafe is planning a barista calendar. Coming with a theme for a coffee bar is nothing new in America. In Los Angeles, there are cafes where you can buy second-hand books, get cut-price legal advice, throw pots, or listen to really, really bad live music provided by local bands. Strangely, nobody until now has thought of combining coffee with sex.  Ms Araujo and others say it has given an unmistakable boost to their businesses. Their staff may only receive minimum wage, but the tips can be terrific.
"Our customers may be half-asleep when they get here, but we do what it takes to wake them up," said Ms Araujo. "They always say: 'Thanks for the great cup of coffee and the smile; it made my day'." Some local puritans have expressed disquiet - and railed at The Seattle Times newspaper after it ran a feature on the sexpresso trend 10 days ago. But law enforcement officials say there is nothing illegal about wearing scanty clothing, so the trend is almost certain to keep spreading. Even Seattle, though, has its limits. Sexy underwear is all very well, but the city hardly has the climate of French Polynesia. "We're not in bikinis right now," Ms Araujo conceded in the murky early hours of yesterday. "We're going more for miniskirts and boots. It's pretty cold up here." UK Independent ~ Andrew Gumbel ** Sexpresso coffee shops take Seattle by storm
Also at: Seattle Times ~ Amy Roe ** Some coffee stands get steamier Yeah, "Sexpresso" coffee shops might take ONE SIDE of Seattle by storm, but on the other side of NorthWest Libtard Land this week... Drug Resistant HIV Strain Spreading in Seattle.
Posted by yaahoo_
at 7:55 PM EST
Updated: Monday, 5 February 2007 8:03 PM EST
Thursday, 11 January 2007
Kelly Osbourne Would Bare All for Playboy, insist editors touch her up to make her look better
Mood:
 silly
Topic: Funny Stuff
 Kelly Osbourne Would Bare All for Playboy
Kelly Osbourne wants to pose nude in Playboy magazine. The rock heiress is prepared to bare absolutely everything for a centerfold in the men's publication - but would insist editors touch her up to make her look better. She says, "I'd go fully nude, but I'd have to have some airbrushing on my tits." Meanwhile, she blames her privileged lifestyle for her substance abuse and depression because luxury living brings about extreme boredom.The 22-year-old has successfully overcome her demons following several spells in rehab - but is always on the lookout for the signs of a relapse.  She says, "It's so easy for me to fall back into depression. I think it comes with having money. I don't have to work. I could be sitting bored and depressed at home with a bag on my head."
Kelly Osbourne pictures Starpulse News Blog ** Kelly Osbourne Would Bare All for Playboy <shudder...> No thanks, Kelly. The edit process to make her look better could take years, maybe they can airbrush a new face on her while they are at it. Hef: Maybe you could move the camera back to help make her look better? Photographer: How far? Hef: How about Cleveland?
Posted by yaahoo_
at 12:01 AM EST
Updated: Thursday, 11 January 2007 4:04 PM EST
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